This event NEVER happened! It is a completely fictitious story that just happens to have actual teachers in it. I am not suggesting that anyone in the story wants to actually hurt someone in reality. This story was written for a Creative Writing assignment which was to create a scenario which would never happen in real life with people that you know. Both teachers included in the story approved of what was included before being posted here.
An old and baldish man carrying a briefcase walked into the front entrance of the school building. His name was Mr. Boardman, but everyone had been calling him Baldy lately. He had falsely placed all the blame of this spread of the name on an innocent, everyday student. This student’s name was Derek. Boardman had given Derek a detention for the whole incident earlier in the week, but Derek, being the intuitive person that he was, had decided to appeal it to a school court. The court was made up of one of the school’s Social Studies teachers, Mr. Barber, and his Problems of Democracy class. Mr. Barber was the acting judge while the class made up the jury of Derek’s peers. This had really upset Boardman. He walked down the hallway, up the stairs, down a second hallway, and turned left into Mr. Barber’s classroom. Derek was already in the room, seated at a desk. Boardman took a seat at the desk opposite Derek, placed his briefcase on the floor, and looked up at the front of the room. Mr. Barber rose out of his seat.
“Alright,” Mr. Barber started. “I couldn’t find someone to act as the bailiff, so I’ll say his lines. All rise!”
The jury looked around at each other, each member wearing a face of utter confusion.
“Rise, already!” Mr. Barber said. “Rise or you will fail this project for your lack of participation!”
The jury rose to their feet, as did Derek. Boardman, however, decided to stay seated.
“Boardman, you need to rise.”
“Why should I?” Boardman snapped back. “I’m not in this class. You can’t fail me. Besides, I’m mad enough as it is right now. I don’t want to stand.”
“We are trying to set the environment of an actual court of law,” Mr. Barber calmly replied. “We need to set a good example for the students. As a teacher, you should understand this.”
“Fine,” Boardman groaned as he stood up. “Are you happy now?”
“Quite. You may all take a seat now.” Mr. Barber said. Everybody took their seats once more. “Now, Derek. Please explain to everyone why you have called this trial.”
“I would love to, your honor,” Derek started.
“He’s not a very honorable judge,” Boardman grumbled underneath his breath.
“I have called for this trial because Boardman over there thinks I am the cause of the epidemic of people calling him Baldy. I cannot be the cause of it when people have been saying it to him his entire life. I have been falsely accused and punished without trial, which by law, I am guaranteed. My argument is that the ability for me to exercise my rights was taken away from me and I was punished without a fair trial by a jury of my peers.”
“Thank you for your opening statement,” Mr. Barber replied. “Do you have any opening statements, Boardman?”
“Yes, I do,” Boardman quickly spat out. “That…thing sitting over there is completely responsible for starting this name-calling! Derek is the most pathetic excuse of a person I have ever met in my life! I’m here to make sure that this sleazy parasite has what is coming to him, and that justice is duly served!”
“Thank you,” replied Mr. Barber. “But please refrain from using such insults in my courtroom from now on.”
“Courtroom?” Boardman started to yell out. “This is a classroom! You’re not even a real judge! You can’t tell me what to do!”
“You’re out of order, Boardman!” Mr. Barber shot back with a strong voice.
“No, you’re out of order! You should be arrested for impersonating a judge!”
Mr. Barber started to slam a gavel against a desk. “Being insulted in my own courtroom is something I am not about to let slide, Baldy! You are out of order!”
The entire room filled with laughter as Boardman shouted, “This entire school is out of order!” Boardman reached down for his briefcase and lifted it up to the desk where he was sitting. He opened it up and moved his hand inside. “Your…honor…”he started. “I would like to call my first…witness!” He pulled out a pistol and lifted it up into the air for everyone in the room to see.
“Okay, where is your witness?” Mr. Barber asked.
“In my hand!” Boardman yelled. “Are you all blind? I have a gun!”
“Oh please,” Derek interjected. “We all know it’s just a mere squirt gun!” The jury started to laugh after Derek finished his sentence.
“Just a squirt gun?” Boardman stuttered. “Just a squirt gun!?” Boardman pointed the pistol in the direction of the jury and pulled the trigger. A boy fell to the ground. The rest of the jury gathered around the boy’s body. There was a gun wound in his skull. He was dead. “It’s just a squirt gun, huh?” Boardman asked Derek. But Derek erupted with a roar of laughter. “What’s so funny, you worm?” Boardman asked.
“Awesome! Boardman actually shot someone!” Derek burst out, still laughing. “I never knew you had the hair on your head to do it!”
“That’s it!” Boardman yelled out in a ferocious voice. He pointed the gun at Derek’s face. “You’re going to be the next one to go!”
Derek let out another round of laughter as he started to dance around the room. Boardman grew a face of confusion and disgust. Derek continued to dance stupidly around the room as he said, “Look at me! I’m Boardman! I’m an ugly, bald, psychopathic killer who’s only joy in life is ending the lives of young, defenseless, innocent students like us!” Derek stopped his dancing suddenly and quit laughing. His face quickly changed to a serious appearance. “You’re pathetic.”
“Shut up! Just shut your pie hole!” Boardman pointed the gun back at Derek and discharged the weapon. Everyone gasped in shock as Derek started to laugh once more. Boardman’s eyes flew wide open as he looked at Derek, who was still standing and very much alive. “How are you still alive?” he asked.
“You missed me, Einstein,” Derek replied quickly. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s have a little bet. This time, the stakes will be very high.”
“I’m listening…”
“I’m willing to bet that a Harry Boardman will be in this room within the next…thirty minutes.”
“I’ll take that bet! I never turn down a sure thing! What do I get if I win?”
“I’ll let you shoot me without me putting up a fight.”
“But that will happen regardless. You’ll need to put up a better wager than that, Derek.”
“Alright, then. If you win, I’ll give you the deed to my family’s house before you kill me. Does that tickle your fancy?”
“Hmm…yeah, that does sound like a good deal. I’ll be so rich once I turn around and sell that house of yours for every penny it’s worth!”
“Go ahead, but I’m not sure how much you would get for it. With a soft housing market and constantly dropping prices, not to mention that realtors will most likely take more money from the overall sales price just to make a living, you’re probably not going to get much from it.”
“I’ll still get some money from it, regardless,” Boardman replied hastily. “I’ll tell you what. If you win, which is impossible for you to do here, I’ll just go and hand myself over to the police to put me in prison. Does that sound good?”
“Throw in five hundred dollars,” Derek added without missing a beat.
“Heck, I’ll throw in my entire bank account! That’s how sure I am that I’m going to win!”
“I do want more than fifty dollars, you bald badger!”
Boardman shot Derek a dirty look as he said, “Fine, five hundred dollars it is.”
“Okay, let the bet begin,” said Derek in a confident tone.
Both Boardman and Derek sat down in their desks. The jury was staring blankly around the room. Mr. Barber had made his way to the body to examine it for himself.
“Hey, Judge Barber?” Derek started. “May I take the body down to the nurse so we can get this mess taken care of?”
Mr. Barber turned around and looked at Boardman, then at Derek. “Ask the crazy American Bald Eagle, Derek.”
Derek turned to look at Boardman, who was giving Mr. Barber a glare of imminent death. “May I take the body down to the nurse?”
“Sure, go ahead,” Boardman said, coldly. “But don’t call the police on me or anything like that, alright?”
“I wouldn’t dream of doing that,” said Derek, who walked over to the body. He picked it up and started toward the door.
“There’s only fifteen minutes left until I win the bet, Derek,” Boardman stated as Derek walked out the door with the dead body.
Derek brought the dead boy’s body down the hallway, down the stairs, and down another hallway until he reached the nurse’s office. The nurse rushed over to the body. Derek asked the nurse to identify who the person was and to clean the body off as he walked out the door and down to the main office. There, he asked the secretary if he could make a call. The secretary agreed to it and Derek dialed in the number he wished to call.
A few moments later, Derek returned to Barber’s room. He sat back down at his desk as Boardman said to him, “Seven minutes left.”
Time passed by. Derek and Boardman remained silent at their desks. Derek wore an expressionless face as he leaned back in the chair, while Boardman wore a devious smirk on his. Members of the jury had huddled into the corner together, hoping that they would be spared by the psychotic teacher in the room. Mr. Barber stayed at his desk, just like Boardman and Derek.
“One more minute before the bet is over,” Boardman stated calmly to Derek. “Are there any last words you would like to say to anyone?”
“Actually, yes,” said Derek. “There are words I would like to say to you…” Derek paused for a brief moment. “Don’t go claiming victory until time is up.”
“Ten…nine…eight…” Boardman started to count down as the last seconds of the bet arrived. “Seven…six…five…four…three…”
All of a sudden, the classroom door opened and a man with a large brown afro ran into the room. Boardman’s jaw dropped to the floor as Derek grew a small grin.
“Is this Mr. Barber’s room?” the man asked.
“Yes, it is,” said Mr. Barber. “I’m Mr. Barber and this is my classroom. Who exactly are you, though?”
“My name is Harold Boardman, but you can all call me Harry!”
“I win,” said Derek, softly.
“But I didn’t grow any hair!” Boardman yelled.
“That wasn’t the bet. Our bet was that there would be a Harry Boardman in this room within half an hour. That man right there is called Harry Boardman! You didn’t think I would call your twin brother, did you?”
“I…I lost…to…Derek…” Boardman stuttered in shock. “How…how could I…lose?”
“Go to the police, Boardman. You know our bet.”
“I’m not going anywhere!” Boardman yelled as he brought his pistol up and pointed it at Derek’s chest. Harry kicked Boardman’s wrist and the gun flew out of his hand. He and Mr. Barber grabbed a hold of him while Derek called the police to come get him.
A few moments passed. The police finally arrived and put Boardman in handcuffs. As they took him away, Boardman yelled back into the room, “I’ll get you for this, Derek! I’ll get my revenge if it’s the last thing I do!”
Derek thanked Harry for all his help as they shook hands in the center of the room. The jury started to cheer and let out tears of joy. Mr. Barber himself started jumping up and down in celebration. Derek said goodbye to everybody and made his way out the door and down the hallway toward his fifth period class, where he wrote about his adventures of the day.