The first part of this story is exactly the same as the first. This for those of you who decide to read this story before the first, or for those who are reading this story again without going back to the first. If you wish to skip the beginning, I have separated the older writing with the new material.
My name is Alexander Figgledorf. I live out in the arid
I set up the telescope, sat down in a chair that was situated on the ground near the hut, and began my extensive search. A couple of hours had passed by when all of a sudden, the sky was illuminated with a bright and eerie light. I rubbed my eyes as they struggled to adjust to the light. I then stood up out of the chair and made my way back to the wooden hut to get the pair of sunglasses that I thought would be in there. As I neared the shack that I apparently lived in, the sky returned to the familiarity of starry darkness as suddenly as it had been illuminated. So I decided to head back to the telescope, wherever it was that I left it. As I neared the telescope, the eerie light suddenly returned once more. This time, I tilted my head upwards as to see what was going on. As my sight was directed upward, I caught sight of a large, elliptical object that was hovering in the sky. The object was covered in flashing, glowing lights.
I cannot believe it! They are real! Those ‘Unidentified Flying Objects’ truly do exist! What were those things called again? Regardless, my feet were lifted off the ground and I started to move upward. I was being…um…well, I don’t remember the term I’m looking for. But whatever it is, the aliens are doing it to me! I kept rising toward the craft until I passed through a small opening. I’m going to assume that I am a midget, as the opening was extremely small and I never touched it as I was being beamed up. That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Then, without any warning, I lost all consciousness and I blacked out.
My eyes opened slowly. I found myself lying down on some strange bedlike platform. I saw strange creatures standing at control panels that were spread out across the chrome-plated room. There was a small lamp that was at the end of the bedlike platform that was emitting a warm, gentle light on my feet as I lay still. One of the creatures looked at me before proceeding to make contact with another creature in the room. The creature that had just been engaged looked over at me. It was then that I got my first real glimpse of the faces that these things bore. Their skin was a hideous yellow-orange color. Their eyes were stalk-like, but they stuck out going forward instead of upward like columns. They had no mouths, and five small holes in the middle of their faces that I am going to assume is the equivalent to a human’s nasal chamber. The same creature then walked over to me and stopped at the foot of the bed, where my feet were. It turned off the light, and the vision of my wonderful feet vanished with it.
“Hello again, Alexander,” the creature said to me, telepathically.
”Who are you? No, what are you?” I asked the creature.
“I see you are still trying to play mind games with me,” the creature quickly snapped. “You caused me much grief in our previous encounter. However, you will not get another chance for it again.”
“What are you talking about? We’ve never met before!”
“Save your breath, human. This will be our final encounter!”
“But we’ve never met before! I’m telling you we’ve never…hello, are you an alien?”
“Your resolve is strong. But let us test just how strong it is. Prepare to meet your end.”
“What are you…?” I started to ask as a flash of bright light flashed before my eyes and I lost my vision.
The next thing I knew, I was standing between two aisles of different products. I walked up to one of the aisles, grabbed a hold of a can of Ocean Spray fruit juice and stared at the label. I put the can of juice back down and walked a few steps down the hallway before walking back to the Ocean Spray. There I picked up the same can of juice and once again stared at it before putting it back down in place and walking away. I walked back down the aisle for a few steps, but once again walked back to the can of Ocean Spray. Then, all of a sudden, a confused look entered my eye as I stared at a can of Ocean Spray fruit juice in my hand.
“How did this get into my hand?” I asked myself. “And what is Ocean Spray fruit juice?”
I placed the can onto a shelf and made my way out of the aisle. I walked through a cold aisle filled with Butterball turkeys before I stopped dead in my tracks. I stood in awe as I witnessed an impossible sight. I small cyclone of food stuffs was ravaging the end of the aisle, sucking up Butterball turkeys as far as the eye could see. I wanted to run, but I found myself immobilized by the sight of this food storm. I noticed some other products that were mixing in with the cyclone, such as Bagel Bites and Yoplait yogurt cups. Then, all of sudden, the storm started to decrease in intensity. However, it started to take the form of a gelatinous monster made of yogurt, and it had turkeys sticking out of its body, which looked very similar to acne on a teenager’s face. It was like a giant piece of flan, only it was alive. It turned to face me, and I found myself running away.
I ran and ran down random aisles, trying frantically to avoid running into the strange creature. However, it started to slide right into the shelves that made up the aisles themselves, and soon found me. It shot rounds of sixteen Bagel Bites in front of me. I continued to run toward them, still trying to avoid the monstrous flan, but the Bagel Bites exploded. I was thrown backwards from the force of the explosion, towards the monster. There it squirted me with strawberry-flavored yogurt. Now, I don’t remember if I’m lactose-intolerant or not, but what I did know was that it tasted horrid. I tried to stand up in the yogurt, but it was holding me to the ground. I tried over and over to get out, but to no avail. I looked around as the flan monster kept inching ever closer to me. There, I noticed a box of Fresh Step kitty litter. I poured the litter all over myself and the yogurt puddle, which made the compound less sticky. I finally escaped the yogurt, but I still had one problem left – the flan monster. But it was in that instant that I had a revelation on how to defeat this foe.
“I need more kitty litter!” I yelled. Upon realizing this, I ran over to more boxes of the kitty litter, picked them up, and threw them into the monster. Its yogurt-y torso absorbed the litter. Within mere seconds, the monster froze, unable to move. I threw one more box of litter into its face. The monster started to emit a pink light, and then exploded. Strawberry yogurt flew everywhere, and I was buried in a sea of yogurt, which had lost its stickiness property.
“Why am I swimming in yogurt?” I asked myself. I stood up and made my way to the other side of the mysterious building.
I walked past aisle after aisle, until something caught my eye. In one of the aisles, I saw a stack of Keebler crackers, just waiting for me to come and get them. I made my way hastily down the aisle, towards the crunchy goodness that is a Keebler cracker. But as I was halfway to my treasure, I tripped and fell onto face-forward onto the floor. As I got back up, I looked at what it was that had caused my sudden fall. There rested a small puddle of Ragu pasta sauce. The only thing that was off about it was that it was expanding at an exponential rate. So, in an effort to stop the puddle, I grabbed a bottle of Heinz ketchup and dumped the contents of the bottle onto the puddle. Instead of helping matters any, the puddle started to grow even more rapidly. So I grabbed some V8 vegetable juice and poured it over the puddle, hoping it would have some positive effect on it. But alas, it was no use. The puddle continued to grow larger, with a faster pace than before. I had once chance left to stop this puddle, as it was taking up most of the aisle. With much gusto, I heroically grabbed several bottles of Clorox and dumped it on every single spot of the puddle mixture. Surprisingly enough, it stopped moving. I jumped up and down, squealing like a little kid as I ran toward the Keebler crackers with my arms flailing around in the air. But as I became only a mere few steps away from the stack, the ground started to shake. I fell to the floor once more. As I got onto my knees, I looked back and saw that the mixture of Ragu pasta sauce, Heinz ketchup, V8 vegetable juice and Clorox was bubbling before gushing upwards towards the ceiling of the building, much like a geyser. The ground kept shaking until the concoction had become a Chex Mix of liquids, which had taken a humanoid form. It walked towards me, groaning angrily with each step. I ran past the boxes of Keebler crackers, took one of them between my left arm, and started to flee from the creature.
“How can I stop a monster that’s completely made from liquids?” I asked myself as I ran through the frozen foods aisle. I continued to ponder upon this question as I ran through the salt aisle, the salty foods aisle, and the sponge and bucket aisle. Within a couple of minutes, I realized the answer. “I need to find a thirsty puppy!”
So I started off on my quest to find a thirsty puppy while avoiding the humanoid liquid. I ran down every aisle, looking through every shelf, but I could not find a thirsty puppy, or any puppy for that matter.
“Where are all the puppies?” I accidentally shouted out. “They’re supposed to sell animals at Petsmart! Unless…this isn’t…”
And it was in that moment of figuring out I wasn’t in Petsmart that I realized what had to be done. I had to fight the liquid myself. I started to run back toward the frozen foods aisle, but ran into the liquid once more.
“Well, this is what you wanted, Alexander,” I said to myself as the liquid stared me down. “There’s no running this time!” The liquid made a step towards me, and I ran once more while screaming “Run away!”
I ran past the humanoid liquid, frantically trying to find my way back to the frozen foods aisle. I was drawing a complete blank on where it was, so I was running through random aisles. After about twenty-five minutes of running aimlessly throughout the store and picking up two different items, I found myself in the frozen foods aisle once more. There I gathered up more items to use in my epic battle against the humanoid liquid. I took everything I had grabbed and took it with me to the center of the aisle to wait for my enemy to appear. I waited and waited for it to come, gradually losing my patience. Finally, the creature appeared, and I rose to my feet. I swallowed an entire bottle of Flintstones vitamins that I had grabbed in one of the random aisles. I also poured Scoop Away kitty litter down my pants in case I urinated in terror during my epic duel, and to absorb what was already down there from past frights. The creature kept making its way towards me, but the steps it took were gradually becoming slower and shorter. It was starting to freeze from the temperature of the frozen foods aisle. My plan was working perfectly. But it was my turn to take some action, so I grabbed frozen Eggo waffles and frozen Pop-Tarts and threw them like shuriken at the humanoid liquid. Unfortunately, my food weapons passed right through its body. It still wasn’t becoming a solid. I slowly made my way backwards through the aisle, putting more distance between the two of us. With any luck, the creature would start to change states when it got into the middle of the aisle, as it was the coldest in that position.
My foe kept slowly trudging its way towards me, nearing the middle of the aisle. And, just like I had expected, it stopped moving all together and started to slowly freeze into a solid. I waited until it had completely frozen before throwing my Eggo and Pop-Tarts weapons at it again. This time, they tore right through the creature’s frozen body, and the cut limbs fell to the ground. Upon hitting the ground, the limbs shattered into many tiny shards. I then rushed the creature, ready to kick the rest of it down. But as I neared the creature, I suddenly stopped abruptly.
“What was I doing here?” I asked out loud, not even noticing that there was a frozen monster near me. I put my hand on the frozen humanoid creature, still not realizing what it was, and leaned back on it. It was then that it fell backwards and shattered into an innumerable amount of crystallized shards. I walked through the building hastily, hoping nobody would notice that I made a mess of what appeared to be an ice sculpture. I found the front of the building and walked towards the door. I tried opening it, but it was locked. My eyes grew wide as my mind filled with panic. How was I going to get out of this mysterious building that appeared to be a supermarket? And then when a flying can of Star-Kist tuna fish hit me in the back of the head, an idea came to me. I would just jump through the windows in the front! I backed up slightly, and ran towards the windows. I leaped into the air and braced myself for the inevitable breaking of the glass, but I was thrown backwards. I got up onto my feet and pounded the window with my fists. It wasn’t glass I was hitting, but instead it was a translucent rubbery substance.
“Oh, come on!” I screamed in fury. “Since when do they make transparent rubber? All I want to do is just go home!”
Then, as another flying can of Star-Kist tuna fish hit me exactly where the first had made contact, I got yet another idea. I walked over to the locked door, turned the lock, and then exited the premises. As I walked outside, I looked around at my surroundings. I wasn’t anywhere near home. In fact, I had no idea where I was. But then, a bright light suddenly appeared in front of my and I lost all my vision.
As I regained my vision, I gazed upon an alien who was standing right in front of me.
“As much as I hate to admit it, Alexander, you did incredibly well for yourself in our ‘Supermarket of Death.’ As a reward, you may continue to live…for now!”
I looked at the alien and replied, “Do I know you?”
“Let us not start this again, human!” The alien said sounding rather ticked off.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“That’s it,” the alien retorted. “I’m beaming you back home now!”
And with that, a bright light appeared in front of me, and I lost my vision. When I regained my vision, I found myself outside my hut, right beside my telescope. I looked around, and then scratched my head.
“What am I doing out here?” I asked myself. “I don’t remember using this telescope!”
I grabbed a hold of my telescope and brought it back towards my hut. I entered the hut and placed it onto the floor. I walked into my bedroom to change into my pajamas. As I went to change my pants, kitty litter oozed out onto the floor, covering my feet up to my ankles. I stared at the kitty litter as a look of utter disgust, and let out a shriek of terror that filled the night sky.