My name is Alexander Figgledorf. I live out in the arid
I set up the telescope, sat down in a chair that was situated on the ground near the hut, and began my extensive search. A couple of hours had passed by when all of a sudden, the sky was illuminated with a bright and eerie light. I rubbed my eyes as they struggled to adjust to the light. I then stood up out of the chair and made my way back to the wooden hut to get the pair of sunglasses that I thought would be in there. As I neared the shack that I apparently lived in, the sky returned to the familiarity of starry darkness as suddenly as it had been illuminated. So I decided to head back to the telescope, wherever it was that I left it. As I neared the telescope, the eerie light suddenly returned once more. This time, I tilted my head upwards to see what was going on. As my sight was directed upward, I caught sight of a large, elliptical object that was hovering in the sky. The object was covered in flashing, glowing lights.
I cannot believe it! They are real! Those ‘Unidentified Flying Objects’ truly do exist! What were those things called again? Regardless, my feet were lifted off the ground and I started to move upward. I was being…um…well, I don’t remember the term I’m looking for. But whatever it is, the aliens are doing it to me! I kept rising toward the craft until I passed through a small opening. I’m going to assume that I am a midget, as the opening was extremely small and I never touched it as I was being beamed up. That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Then, without any warning, I lost all consciousness and blacked out.
My eyes opened slowly. I found myself lying down on some strange bedlike platform. I saw strange creatures standing at control panels that were spread out across the chrome-plated room. There was a small lamp that was at the end of the bedlike platform that was emitting a warm, gentle light on my feet as I lay still. One of the creatures looked at me before proceeding to make contact with another creature in the room. The creature that had just been engaged looked over at me. It was then that I got my first real glimpse of the faces that these things bore. Their skin was a hideous yellow-orange color. Their eyes were stalk-like, but they stuck out going forward instead of upward like columns. They had no mouths, and five small holes in the middle of their faces that I am going to assume is the equivalent to a human’s nasal chamber. The same creature then walked over to me and stopped at the foot of the bed, where my feet were. It turned off the light, and the vision of my wonderful feet vanished with it.
“Greetings,” the creature said to me, telepathically. “What is your name, strange one?”
I stared at the creature for a moment before replying, “I do not know what my name is.”
“But every creature has a name,” the creature told me.
“Not true, amigo. I don’t have one…I think…”
“Your behavior confounds the innermost depths of my vast understanding of the universe,” the creature said to me. “Never in my many years of planet-hopping have I ever met a creature as strange as you.”
“Is that a good thing?” I asked him.
“I am sure you have many questions,” the creature replied. “And I have many answers. But, alas, I cannot answer the question that you just asked.”
“Can I drive this thing?” I asked.
“No,” the creature replied with a strange haste.
“May I press the buttons over there?”
“No.”
“May I press the buttons over there?”
“My answer has not changed, strange one. No…”
“May I press the buttons over there?”
“I said no!” the creature snapped at me.
“Why are you yelling at me?” I asked the creature.
“You kept asking me the same question over and over again. Why did you do that?”
“I did?” I politely replied. “I have no recollection of such events in my head.”
“But you just did it,” the creature calmly told me. “You know very well what you have done here.”
“No, I don’t,” I replied quickly. “Hey, could you please let me up now?”
“Not yet,” the creature replied. “We need to do some tests on you first.” The creature walked over to a counter near me and came back with a mask and a tank. “We must put you to sleep. You are familiar with sleeping gas, are you not?”
“I don’t remember if I am or not…what was it again?”
The creature did not look at all pleased with my reply. It took the mask, put it over my face, and turned a lever on the gas tank. My eyes suddenly drooped down, but I did not fall asleep.
“What’s going on?” the creature asked me. “Why are you not falling asleep?”
“How should I know?” I asked the creature back.
“It is your body, strange one,” the creature said back to me. “You should know what is going on better than anyone.”
My mind once again was drawing a complete blank. I stared at the strange alien-like creature with my eyes wide open in shock. “Wow, a real alien!” I yelled out at the top of my lungs in excitement. “I can’t believe I’ve been abducted by real-life aliens!”
The creature looked at me with what seemed to resemble fear. It picked up a strange metallic object and raised it over my head. As I was about to ask what the object was used for, I was hit with a beam of bright light. And with that, I passed out. Once I regained consciousness, I found myself lying on a strange elevated yet flat chrome surface. I looked in front of me and saw many laser-like devices. I freaked out as I caught sight of these strange devices. A strange creature came up to me.
“Ah, I’m so glad you’re finally awake,” it told me. “Usually that light knocks consciousness out of a body for an hour at most, but you were out cold for five straight hours!”
“Have I met you before?” I innocently asked the creature.
“Alright, human, your charade is getting rather old.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked the creature. “I don’t remember ever meeting you before!”
“But we met before I knocked you out with this device!” the creature cried out as it held up a strange metallic object.
“I don’t recall anything like that,” I calmly replied to the creature. “Say, what is that strange metallic device you’re holding in your hands?”
The creature looked at me with a puzzled expression. “This device is what I used to knock you out for five hours! Do you honestly mean to tell me that you do not remember anything?”
“That’s not even close to what I’m saying,” I said with a ticked off voice. “What I’m saying is that none of that stuff ever happened to begin with! I think I would remember if it…hello, there! My name is Alexander Figgledorf! What is your name, strange alien-like creature?”
By this time, the creature had backed off and started to breathe heavily. We stared at each other from a distance for several minutes before it moved back towards me. It raised a strange metallic device over my head. I saw a flash of bright light and I passed out. When I regained consciousness, I found myself lying on the ground outside next to a telescope. I was home already? But the aliens had just abducted me! Darn it all! And I wanted them to experiment on me and probe me like they do others! But I knew that I could not keep this story to myself. I had to share it with the townsfolk. They would have to believe me. I mean, it’s not like people would make this kind of stuff up, right? Of course they wouldn’t! So I rushed into town to tell everyone my amazing story.
Off I ran, into town. I passed a general store, a few port-o-potties, and numerous tumbleweeds that were left out on the ground. I think these people need to start picking up after themselves after the parties are done and over with here. After a few moments of passing random buildings and businesses, I came across the diner at the end of the road. I walked up the three stairs that led to the door, and made my way inside. There, I saw the few people that were eating at the counter. It was time for the late-night specials. I found that out by reading a sign that was on the wall in front of the counter. Some of the specials included Buzzard and Bouillon Stew, Road Kill Stew, and Mystery Meat Stew. I looked at the seven people that filled the counter stools and glanced at their meals. I could not tell the difference between any of them. Did all seven of them order the same dish, or did all the dishes look the same? This question went to the back of my head as I remembered the reason I had come here to begin with. I inhaled a deep breath of oxygen as I prepared to make myself known.
“Hey, everybody,” I said. “Guess what happened to me!”
“You lost your memory again?” one of the customers answered.
“No, something even better happened to me!” I said with an almost squealing voice. “I was abducted by aliens!”
“Again?” another one of the customers asked me. “This is the eighth time this month!”
“What are you talking about?” I asked the customer as the look on my face transformed to one of utter confusion.
“You’ve come in here, night after night, claiming you’ve seen aliens! Do you honestly expect us to believe you, Alexander?”
“But this is the first time this has ever happened to me! I swear it!”
“Also what you said the last time,” the same customer retorted. “It’s always the same story. You always come in here and tell us an outrageous story. You have an overactive yet creative imagination, which means that you’re not the most trustworthy person when it comes to something like this.”
“I have an overactive yet creative imagination?” I asked the customer.
“Yes, you do. Not to mention that your insomnia doesn’t help your case any. For all I know, you could have been awake for who knows how long by now, which would affect your brain.”
“I have insomnia?” I asked him again.
“Yes, you have insomnia!” the customer replied in a rather harsh tone. “Plus, you’ve used this same exact story seven different times before tonight! Your OCD is making you retell the same crazy fable over and over again.” I wanted to say something, anything, but I could not find any words. “Why am I even telling you about all of this anyway? You’re just going to forget about everything once your Alzheimer’s disease kicks in!”
“Now wait just a darned minute!” I started to yell at the customer. “I do not suffer from…how did I get in here?”
“Come on, Alexander,” the customer told me. “I’ll bring you back home.”
And with that, the customer grabbed a hold of my arm and led me outside the diner, down the road, and to a strange wooden hut in the middle of the desert that was right outside the town.